No Wiggle Room

Another outcome of my conversation with Geralyn Gendreau is that I was reminded of the power of "no wiggle room." I say "reminded" because it was the basis of my quitting smoking once and for all years ago.

We had been discussing weight loss and she had mentioned that Weight Watchers had wiggle room while another program did not. This was inspiring. A few simple rules, rigidly applied: Eat only Vegetables, Fruits and Lean Meats. To this I added: Exercise Every Day, No matter What. I started with 15 minutes on the treadmill and have expanded it to 20. It has been a week, and I am down from 285 to 280.

The interesting thing is, that I feel free. One would think that applying 2 rules and sticking to them might look like some sort of restriction, but in my experience it is simply one less thing adding to my stress.

This is also consistent with the "Fruit Bowl of Life" theory where one best utilizes peoples diverse talents through having a few simple ground rules but enforcing them strictly.

Weight Loss Progress Report: I am down from 285 to 280 since 8/10/2008.

Turning Points: When Fundamental Change Takes Place

In life, there are cycles and turning points.

Cycles consist of habits and routines. They involve behaviors we repeat either because of a cyclical schedule or because of habits developed over time, or both. Some cycles may be daily, others weekly or yearly.

Other cycles may not have a regular period, bit instead consist of a predictable series of events even if the length of time is variable. Some examples of these irregular but predictable patterns might be weight gain and loss, quitting smoking and starting again, being single and being in relationship, or inspired music practice and neglecting the instrument.

Turning points are quite another matter.

A turning point is a structural change in lifestyle. In hindsight it looks like, "Something happened and I behaved differently from that point forward." For some it is getting married, for others it is giving up an addiction, breaking habits or a radical shift in lifestyle. Sometimes it is hard to pinpoint what makes the difference, but it seems apparent that it has to do with a shift in context or the way circumstances are interpreted.

This is all well and good as a conclusion after the fact, but how does one bring about a turning point in one's life? What are the earmarks that will ensure success with giving up smoking, taking weight off and keeping it off or pursuing something important with enough commitment to ensure success?

I have noticed for myself that immediately prior to a genuine turning point there is an experience of feeling unsettled in a visceral sense. It has the quality of no longer being able to fool one's self. The jig is up. Your goose is cooked.

I experienced one of those recently in a conversation with Geralyn Gendreau. At the time I weighed 285. The turning point has happened. I will be posting my progress on this blog from time to time.

Self-Assesment: Digging Deeper Into Dissatisfaction

If I take a look, I can find quite a bit to be dissatisfied about:

I want to weigh less than 200 pounds and I weight 285. I want to have written a CD's worth of really good music and I've only written one top-notch song. I want a committed intimate relationship with a true match and what I've got is a string of occasional girlfriends. I want to build a house in Hawaii, but am making less than 1/5 of the income I need to accomplish that. I have notebooks full of plans I've neither completed nor dropped. I want to spend a year in Europe but can't currently afford it in terms of time and money.

So far, this is a list of things that I want, but don't have. There is another layer to it, which is what I tell myself about myself as a consequence of not being the sort of person who has what they want.

There is an odd sort of edge to this inquiry, because in a certain sense, who I am and what I have exactly reflects what I'll settle for, so in a sense, it's what I want. There is also the notion that if I estimate myself on the basis of my achievements, I am selling myself out for the sake of externals.

Beyond all that, it seems that what is missing is a sense of ease and well-suitedness. Instead there is is a sense of struggle and lack. Where does that sense of struggle and lack come from? I would speculate that it comes from the combined weight of all the undertakings that were neither completed nor dropped, and if I were to inventory and prioritize in light of my essential self, the path would be obvious.

Exercise:

1. List projects that were neither completed nor dropped.
2. List what's most important in life
3. Schedule or drop whatever is on the list
4. Notice when you don't follow your schedule and consider dropping items that you don't complete.
   

Self Assessment: Discovering Self-Dissatisfaction

"How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It's all good."

The typical social exchange above illustrates one of the barriers to mastering the self; social status. It is fairly conventional to desire to be well thought of. For some this is relatively unimportant and for others it comprises their most dire concern but in general, most people value a good reputation.

Setting aside the flurry of murmured gossip and getting down to personal relationships, we are sometimes asked to be vulnerable. I interpret this as a request to get below the generic social facade into the layer below, that of doubts and concerns. To do so with another is to create intimacy. Doing so requires a certain willingness and skill in peeling away layers of self-deception and coming to terms with one's self and where one stands in life on one's own terms.

In the privacy of our own thoughts we can start to recognize the gaps between who we are and who we want to be, where we are and where we want to be, what we are and what we want to be. For some it might be money, for others love or spiritual advancement.

The first step is to start telling the truth to ourselves about how deeply dissatisfied we are with ourselves. There is no one else to impress. We are both the pupil and the professor for this test.
Let's start with what is most present.

Exercise: Listing Self-Dissatisfactions

Start a list of ways that you are dissatisfied with yourself. No one will be grading you on this. It is just for you. Keep it a secret...but tell the truth. See if you notice areas where you either stop yourself or feel as if something else is stopping you.

Unruly Animal-Mind vs Observer / Guide Mind

Probably the most crucial realization to achieve on the path to mastering the self is that of becoming acquainted with how one's own mind can be quite similar to an unruly horse or an excited monkey.

In this modern age, there are quite a few people who have never ridden a horse although a few may have seen an excited monkey. Too bad. Horse riding is tremendously instructive, particularly with regard to getting the horse to do what you want when it doesn't want to.

Picture this:
You are seated atop a horse and want to head down the trail to the neighbor's ranch. You give a little kick with your heels to get him started, pull the reins to the right and...no dice. Your fine steed has found a particularly tasty patch of clover and stays put. You try again. It turns its head, looks at you as if you are some sort of inconvenience and...goes back to eating clover. Even though you have a clear objective and attempt to command the beast, quite literally it has a mind of its own.

This sort of thing explains why, even though we might know exactly what to do to lose weight, we don't. We might even get a little bit forceful with ourselves and knuckle down to a program, only to be thwarted by the unruly horse of our own mental process.

A somewhat more agitated form of a disobedient mind is sometimes referred to as "monkey mind" because of its tendency to seize upon one thought after another. This is easy to notice in another person when they keep changing the subject of a conversation. We might also recognize it in ourselves when we have difficulty getting to sleep as concerns or action movies scenes keep popping into our heads in spite of our best attempts to drift into dreamland.

In both cases the moment of truth comes when a person recognizes that they are not actually in charge of what their mind does. At that moment, something else wakes up. I call it the Observer. It is the part of ourselves that simply observes. It has a companion which I call the Guide, which selects. These two aspects of self are distinguishable from animal-mind in that they are simple, quiet and direct. For this very reason, the Observer and Guide can be obscured by the dazzling profusion of thoughts offered by the monkey mind and the force of habits of the horse-mind.

Meditation Experiments
Rock-Hopping: Hop from rock to rock in a stream, listening for the interplay of the Observer and the Guide as they quietly say which rock is next. Notice what happens right before winding up in the water.

Sitting: Sit quietly and notice thoughts passing like clouds. Notice how flurries of significance pass through like whirlwinds, distracting the calm.

Overcoming Insomnia: Lie down and breathe, observing breaths passing in and out. When thoughts arise, dismiss them and return to observing breath. (If some thoughts are insistent, such as creative ideas or solutions to problems, write them down so they don't get lost and then return to breath observation). Where is the edge between waking and sleep?